Foaming Blister Juice Infusion

I for one am beside myself about Britney Spears.

I couldn't sleep last night with the worry about Amy Winehouse.

Paris Hilton? God, I just prey she makes it through today unscathed!

Worrying about people you've never met is so much more fun than having to have actual thoughts or fears about the real people in your life don't you find? Real people are unsatisfying because you have to, like, have real emotions connected to them wheras a life mediated through Heat Magazine or Intrusion Weekly is alot safer. Like bowling with the guard rails up.

I mean with Winehouse I am torn between vicarious torment over her spiral into a drugs hell and my god given right to moral outrage about her setting a bad example for the nations youth. Won't somebody please think of the children!

Who could ever have forseen a musical artist turning to drugs and booze? It has left me shocked, outraged and aroused to the very core of my being.

Fortunately those kind people at The Sun have released (as a selfless act of theraputic outreach) a video of Winhouse injecting a crack pipe. Now the tabloid press are involved I can breath a sigh of relief knowing that they'll soon have her fixed up.

*phew*

That was a close one!

As for Ms Spears it must be so comforting to have your nervous breakdown in public. In fact maybe she should consider turning this into a reality TV series? I can see it now - like The Osbournes on suicide watch. Doesn't the thought of it make you a bit wet in your media gland?

If only Heath Ledger had a crew of Paparazzi 'minders' about. See that's what happens when we the great media consuming public aren't keeping an eye on you pesky celebs...

Actually now that I think of it aren't I a stakeholder in Spears's life? I mean I buy the papers, read the magazines and pay for the TV that features her. I'm like a shareholder in her continued mental torment. She better not harm herself or I'll sue!

I like the fact that Soap Opera has gone beyond scripted TV drama and is now being played out across the pages of a tabloid newspaper near you in actual life. We don't need Big Brother anymore - the world is full of housemates to judge and vote off one by one. If only I could evict people from real life using a handy premium rate phone number.

This years Big Brother should be good though. I understand that upon each eviction the evicted housemate will be led onto a scaffold and publicy hung by Davina McCall.

Well you have to give the public what they want.

They're payng the price afterall....